Socialize!  Find us here--->>
GANEPossible.com
  • Welcome!
    • #Write2TheEnd
    • Press / Media
    • GANE Possible Calendar
  • GANE MOMENTUM-WORK
    • Gallery >
      • Contact/Disclosure
      • Newsletter/Email Signup
      • Puppy Dog Tales
      • #JudyBlumeProject
  • GANE Empowered Wellness
    • GANE Wellness Blog
  • GANE Insight
    • GANE Insight Blog

GANE Insight: Kim Jorgensen Gane's Blog

I'm no longer directionally challenged--I have a clear vision to celebrate #MOREin2014 via GANEPossible.com. Preempting my novel in progress, Bluebirds, I'm very close to releasing my first GANE Possible publication (prescriptive "Dr. Mom" nonfiction), Beating the Statistics: A Mother's Quest to Reclaim Fertility, Halt Autism & Help Her Child Grow From Behavior Failure to Behavior Success. I'm also working on completing my memoir, My Grandfather's Table: Learning to Forgive Myself First.

It took a lifetime to get here. This blog documents my quest to self-fulfillment through my writing, and ultimately to shifting my focus to Beating the Statistics & My Grandfather's Table and speaking about them. They are the wellness and the memoir parts of my journey that had to be told, so that Bluebirds can one day be the meaningful, but fictional *story* it aspires to be.

Follow Kim on Facebook

REINVENT YOURSELF AS YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

9/23/2013

8 Comments

 
Picture
My writers studio is my space to define myself.
My husband and I are in the thick of dual midlife crises, so Reinvention seems to be a constant state these days.  It’s also the theme for my first foray into a Generation Fabulous Blog Hop, so I find myself dissecting once again.
I began my freshman year of high school as a girl from a seemingly solid Midwestern family who regularly sang in church, and ended it as a girl whose parents were divorced, who no longer attended church, or believed in anything.  I was instantly re-imagined from protestant good girl to hapless promiscuous girl.  So it came as no surprise when I was barely out of teenagerhood, and I suddenly had to reinvent myself as a single mom.  Later on, I met the man who would become my husband and my daughter’s daddy, and then I had to learn to co-parent, and to be a step-mom.  Some years later, my husband wanted to open a restaurant, and I became a restaurateur, and too soon a solo-restaurateur, when he accepted a job offer in his field that took him on the road for much of most weeks.

Then a new reinvention came after we closed our restaurant and I became a somewhat (OK, maybe radically) possessed researcher of holistic healing which helped me to overcome my infertility and finally have the baby I’d longed six years for.  That success brought about another reinvention when I had to learn how to parent teenagers and a high needs infant at the same time.  All my thinking had to shift when I had to parent that infant in very different ways than I’d parented my girls.

Reinvention isn’t anything new in my life, though its process never occurred to me until recently with the ultimate reinvention:  Midlife Crisis.

Many of those previous reinventions occurred as reactions to the actions of others or to situations.  They didn’t happen from a place of self-discovery, and they weren’t in the least motivated by any sense of seeking, or of finding myself.

Looking inward began when we moved across the entire country from both of our daughters, and from any of the female support system I’d enjoyed and relied upon for much of my adult life.  Moving from Michigan to California wasn’t anything I ever imagined I’d do, and it wasn’t anything I wanted to do.  I pouted and I wallowed that first year away.  I was so desperately alone, and because transition of any kind isn’t easy for me, my brain got confused and I forgot how to function.  My son got sick, and I couldn’t remember what to do to make him well.  I couldn’t grasp the brands of my favorite supplements, foods, any semblance of an action plan wherein I could see myself ever feeling normal again. 
Picture
I was completely mired in this dull, marine layer version of my life.  

I had no confidence, I knew no one, and no one seemed to care to get to know me.  I couldn’t fathom what I might tell anyone about myself anyway, because I lacked any identity there, or frankly anywhere.

My marriage was at its most difficult point ever, I disliked myself and my husband, and I was barely worthwhile as a mother to my son, let alone as a human being in the world.  When I couldn’t stand myself any longer, I began to think about reinvention from within.

No one knew me in California.  This was my chance to become anything I wanted to become.  There were no labels, there was no family history to define me, and there certainly were no expectations, never mind the fact that absolutely no one cared or gave me a thought anyway—they were too mired in their own version of survival, too stuck in their own traffic.  
Here’s a secret of the Universe:  BECAUSE WE HAVE FREE WILL, at any moment, anywhere we can conceive it, we have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves.  We are the only ones that stop us from fulfilling our purpose, from becoming who we want to become.   --Kim Jorgensen Gane

So, what could I do if I wasn’t so afraid all the time?  

How did I want to be remembered, and how did I want to impact the future for my children beyond their day-to-day care and feeding?  I could no longer survive as that person who put herself down and put herself last and who disbelieved in herself, and my deepest fear was that my husband and I wouldn’t survive at all. 

I wanted to go back to Michigan, but I didn’t want to do it without him.  I didn’t have a choice.  I had to make a life for myself in California.  I didn’t have many friends, so I needed to be my friend, and I hoped that would allow me to once again be my husband’s.  

For me, the answer was and remains writing. 

When your soul is that of a writer who isn’t writing, the stories are swimming in your head, whether you write them down or not.  You feel like a crazy person.  You talk to yourself, you talk to your dogs; you can’t get your bearing.  Even if the lake or the ocean is always west, you get off on the wrong exit on the freeway because your mind is cluttered with all the stories--you forget to pick up your kid, or you forget to clean dog puke off the carpet.   

I seem to have lost my funny from when I first began blogging, in part because a dual midlife crisis while raising a young boy is hard, but also because I’m not as afflicted with self-diagnosed ADD anymore, so I simply don’t screw up as much.  I’m focused and I’m driven.  I have a purpose and I have goals.  The stories don’t fester in my head as much, because they’re alive and breathing on my computer screen.  I wish my sense of humor wasn’t the thing I had to give up…but perhaps when life gets a bit easier, I’ll find it again.  And even though life still isn't easy, I feel more fulfilled and more content within myself than ever before.
For once, instead of reacting to the actions and choices of those around me, I sought myself in California.  I looked inward, I asked myself what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.  And yes, where I hoped to do it.  My heart was healing, maybe it was even being born, but I knew if I didn’t leave San Diego when we did, I wouldn’t want to.  We came home after two years, because so far away from our girls and our foundation, all of our hearts were broken.   

The lesson is that I can be my own best friend here in Michigan or anywhere.  And I can choose to do it next to my beloved lake, where I belong.  
Picture
Tell me in the comments, where are you on your path to being your own best friend?
8 Comments
Connie McLeod link
9/23/2013 02:40:09 pm

I agree, in order to be there for others you have to be there for yourself. Thanks for sharing your journey.

Reply
Kim Jorgensen Gane link
9/25/2013 03:15:07 pm

Thanks for visiting and for your comment, Connie. Be well.

Reply
Walker Thornton link
9/24/2013 12:19:00 am

Relocating is so hard, I've made a number of moves and finally in one place now, since 1999.
What you've shared, and I believe to be true, is that we do have the power to recreate our lives at any moment. And maybe midlife is when we really have the foundation to do our reinventing the best?

Reply
Kim Jorgensen Gane link
9/25/2013 03:16:53 pm

Thanks again for coming along for the ride, Walker! I hope you're right, that midlife is indeed where we have the foundation to do our best reinventing. I'd sure like to get it right this time. (O;

Reply
Pat Mckinzie link
9/24/2013 05:17:24 am

Kim, this post spoke to me on so many levels...my husband and I in "dual midlife crises," longing for my beloved family and lake in the Midwest and feeling so out of touch with my soul when I am not writing. Yes, and also staying focused as a self diagnosed ADHD adult. I am signing on to your blog. My daughter and I, too, are gluten intolerant.

Reply
Kim Jorgensen Gane link
9/25/2013 03:13:47 pm

Aww, Pat. I'm glad you found this helpful. It's why I spew, hoping it has an impact on others who need it, too, plus it's good therapy. :D You might also be interested in my other site, www.GlutenNaziMom.org...I'm a busy gal! LOL Part of the problem with ADD; EVERYTHING sounds like a good idea! Ha! Tough times are just something we have to get through, and focusing on gratitude for what's going right does wonders. I wish you lots of good writing, and peace. Welcome!

Reply
The GypsyNesters link
9/26/2013 01:31:04 am

Don't know if it's midlife crisis, we call it celebrating life after kids, but we have really reinvented ourselves, sold everything (including the empty nest) and took off. There has been a lot of discovery, both of ourselves and the new places we've seen, and that's been very good for us.

Reply
Karen D. Austin link
9/26/2013 09:19:19 pm

Wow, you really had a rough patch there. I am glad that you got through it and even gained some strength along the way. When I moved from WV to KS 5 years ago, I felt totally disoriented. I kept referring to myself as Alice in Wonderland in a free fall down that rabbit hole. I still feel the loss of my community in WV, but I'm making some new friends. It's so hard to make new connections at midlife because women that age tend to be overextended with kids, a job, volunteer work, and aging parents. They barely have time to maintain their existing friendships. It's a tough time. Thanks for sharing your story.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Write2TheEnd | 

    Kim Jorgensen Gane

    Author|Award-Winning Essayist|Freelance CommercialWriter|GANE
    Empowered Wellness Advocate, Facilitator, Speaker

    Kim is a freelance writer, living and working on Michigan’s sunset coast with her husband, youngest son, a standard poodle and a gecko. She’s been every-mom, raising two generations of kids over twenty-seven years. Kim writes on a variety of topics including parenting  through midlife crisis, infertility, health and wellness, personal empowerment, politics, and about anything else that interests her, including flash fiction and her novel in progress, Bluebirds.  Oh, and this happened!

    Kim was selected as a BlogHer '13 Voices of the Year Honoree in the Op Ed category for this post, an excerpt of which has been adapted for inclusion in the book, 51%: Women and the Future of Politics, to be released late 2014.  Visit her Wordpress About page to see her CV.
    View my profile on LinkedIn
    BlogHer '13 Voices of the Year Community Keynote Honoree
    Picture
    Creative Commons License
    This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
    Picture

    Subscribing is sexy, and may be fortuitous!

    Join our list!

    * indicates required
    Email Format

    Archives

    April 2015
    November 2014
    August 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012

    Featured on BlogHer.com

    Categories

    All
    2013
    2014
    911
    Abortion
    Add
    Adolescence
    Adoption
    Amanda Bynes
    Amtrak
    #AmtrakResidency
    #amwriting
    Amy Jo Burns
    Ann Imig
    A Novel
    Anthology
    Asperger's
    August Mclaughlin
    Author
    Autism
    Ava Chin
    #BacktoSchool
    Back To School
    Beauty Of A Woman Blog Fest
    Benton Harbor
    Bigotry
    Blended Families
    Blended Family
    Blogging
    Blogher
    #BlogHer13
    BlogHer '13
    Blog Hop
    Bluebirds
    Books
    Brain Health
    Breast Cancer
    Brownies
    Budget
    Bully
    Bullying
    Challenge
    Change
    Children
    Children With Disabilities
    Choice
    Choices
    Christmas
    Cinderland
    Costume
    Crackbook
    Ct
    Cyber Bullying
    Cyber Friends
    Dairy Free
    Destiny
    #DF
    Discrimination
    Disney
    Diy
    Dog Puke
    Dr. Lissa Rankin
    Eating Wildly
    E Books
    E-books
    Education
    Empowerment
    Empty Nest
    Endometriosis
    Enlightened Middle
    Exercise
    Facebook
    Face To Face
    Face-to-face
    Fall
    Family
    Fear
    Featured
    Feminism
    Fertility
    Festive
    Fifty Shades
    Flash Fiction
    Flash! Friday
    Friends
    Galit Breen
    Gane Possible
    Generation Fabulous
    #GF
    Girlfriends
    Giveaway
    #Giveaway
    Gluten Free
    Glutennazimom
    Google+
    Government
    Government Shut Down
    Grief
    Guy Kawasaki
    Halloween
    Handmade
    Haven
    Heal Healthcare Now
    Health
    Hepatitis B
    Hepb
    Hillary Clinton
    Holidays
    Holistic
    Homework
    Hope
    Humblebrag
    Humblebraggart
    Humblebragging
    Humor
    Immunization
    Income
    Infertility
    #Infertility
    Influencer
    #ItGetsBetter
    It Gets Better
    Jim Denney
    Judy Blume
    #JudyBlumeProject
    Judy Blume Project
    #JustWrite
    Just Write
    @KimGANEPossible
    Kim Jorgensen Gane
    Kim Singing
    #KindnessWins
    Language
    Laura Munson
    Lean In
    Life
    Lindsay Lohan
    Listen To Your Mother
    Local
    Low Cost
    #LTYM
    Math Facts
    Md
    Mental Health
    Michigan
    Midlife
    #MidlifeBlvd
    Midterm Elections
    Miley Cyrus
    Mind Over Medicine
    Mom
    Montana
    Mother
    Mothering
    Moving
    Nablopomo
    Newton Ct
    Obama
    Obamacare
    Online
    Oprah
    #OwnBossy
    Parenting
    Patty Chang Anker
    Pcos
    Peg Fitzpatrick
    Pinterest
    Platform
    Poem
    Poetry
    Politics
    Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
    Popular Media
    Poverty
    President
    Progress
    Puberty
    QueenLatifah.com
    Racism
    Rain
    Reading
    Reality Tv
    Recipe
    Reclaim Your Fertility
    Religion
    Reproductive Rights
    Retreat
    Review
    Ruth Curran
    #SABD13
    Sahm
    San Diego
    Santa
    School
    Self Discipline
    Self-Discipline
    Self Esteem
    Sex
    Sheryl Sandberg
    Simplifying
    #SingleMom
    Single Mom
    Single Parenting
    Social Media
    #SomeNerve
    Some Nerve
    Soup
    Southwest
    Southwest Michigan
    Spring Forward
    Stay At Home Moms
    #StepMom
    Step Parenting
    Step-parenting
    Submission
    Suicide
    #SuicidePrevention
    Suicide Prevention
    Support
    Tablet
    Tea Party
    Technology
    Thanksgiving
    The Bachelor
    The Book Thief
    The Hunger Games
    This Is Not The Story You Think It Is
    Thrift
    Timebenders
    Time Change
    Time Warp Tuesday
    Train
    Twitter
    Unexposed Talent
    Vaccination
    Vmas
    War On Women
    Waxing
    Whitefish
    Women
    Workshop
    #Write2TheEnd
    Writers
    Writers Workshop
    Writing

    RSS Feed

*GANEPossible.com is an anecdotal website and in no way intends to diagnose, treat, prevent or otherwise influence the medical decisions of its readers. I am not a doctor, I do not recommend going off prescribed medications without the advice and approval of a qualified practitioner, and I do not recommend changing your diet or your exercise routine without first consulting your doctor. These are merely my life experiences, and what has and hasn't worked for me and my family. You must be your own best medical advocate and that of your children, and seek to find the practitioner with whom you have the best rapport and in whose advice and care you can entrust your health and medical decisions.


Mailing Address:
420 Main Street, Suite A
St. Joseph, MI  49085
Please email to schedule a consultation,
Hours by appointment:
kjgane(@)ganepossible(.)com

I Blog with Integrity, please treat my content with integrity: Copyright © 2020, Kimberly Jorgensen Gane, This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License..