I’ve written often about my fear of failure, and my equally daunting fear of success.  These fears have sat equally sour in my belly since high school.  I’m afraid to be nothing, afraid of not fulfilling my purpose, but I’m equally afraid of how my life might change if I do succeed in doing what it is that same gut keeps niggling at me over and over, telling me I’m meant to do.

If only that gut spoke plain English.

But it doesn’t.  It speaks in code.  It speaks in hieroglyphics, in tongues at which I’m left to decipher and guess.

I know it’s always a mistake when I ignore my gut.  Lord knows, ignoring that flip in the hollow of my stomach before I got into a car with a guy I didn’t know when another guy I did know asked his “friend” to give me a ride home was a big mistake.  Did my “friend” know this was his bud's M.O?  I was too ashamed, so I never told.  How many girls had the bud done this to?  Had anyone else ever reported it?  Had there been some kind of secret handshake that passed between them?  Was my friend possibly in on it?

It was the 80s.  We chalked it up to a bad date—a bad choice, my own damn fault (which is complete and utter bull$hit, if you wondered!)—and we moved on. 

But you never really do.

You just learn, time after time, to question and question again your own intelligence, your own abilities.  You question your own gut’s messages about right or wrong, its whispers about do it or don’t do it, its twinges and twists and which way they mean for you to go. 

Speak English, damn you!

Just tell me, please.  What is it you want me to do?  Which answer is the right one to help me feed my family?

“Girgle, girgle,” crickets….

—sigh--

Somehow, when it's about your own life, Intuition can be a bitch, and Doubt, her master.

Then something I spent an entire weekend berating myself over for yet another failure, with perspective morphed into opportunity, into action, an honest to goodness aha!

I made a phone call.  I felt certain.    

What I thought I felt certain about became something else entirely.  A lunch turned into a three-hour meeting, into a tour, into another impromptu meeting, into a follow-up meeting next week.

I’m in awe, I’m awakened, and I have a vision that has never been clearer.  

Everything in my life has led up to this presentation next week, to this moment.  The dots connect, the failures make sense, every moment of the last two years of hard work and educating myself, the odd job, the “gifts” that seem not at all related, slip effortlessly together with a clang of realization.

All of this is to say that, my cooking demonstration planned for The Box Factory on December 11th has met with some challenges that make it impossible to pull off in the time-frame I’d allotted myself (so we'll do it in late January, likely that week before the Super Bowl).  

But please stay tuned for something that could be, that will be, bigger and better and incredibly exciting!   

I’m working on the presentation of my life this week.  So don’t think I’ve buried myself under a bush to lick at my wounds…I’m strategizing, I’m pulling it all together like never before.

I’m listening to my gut and writing down its every note, because for once its intentions are clear and beautiful as perfect harmony.  Which, when I remember what it felt like to sit in the middle of a choir of voices, brings me to tears, each and every time.  Heck, maybe one day I'll incorporate that into this little project of mine, too.


**If you didn't already, check out http://www.supportacappella.org -- who needs instruments?! Music ed for FREE!**

Just Write is a weekly writing exercise sponsored by Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary, WHO ROCKS! Hadn't participated in awhile, but this reflection definitely fits.

There are some traditions we can't do without.  At Thanksgiving, without apologies, stuffing is just one of them. And come to think of it, fall chili without cornbread?  That's just wrong, too.  

One of the problems with a gluten-free diet can quickly become too much weight gain if you focus solely on replacing items from the Standard American Diet (SAD!) swap for swap (erm...SADly, that's how I learned to do it over eleven years ago).  Even so, adopting a gluten free diet doesn't have to mean forgoing all your seasonal favorites.  Maybe it just means freezing the leftovers instead of allowing Thanksgiving to last a full week.  Maybe you serve a salad first, or you consciously incorporate more clean vegetable dishes into the meal than you might have done in the past.  It may take a little training, patience and dedication for your palate to come to anticipate and enjoy this type of meal, but here's why it's worth asking yourself and your family to work toward just that.    

My Thai Butternut Bisque would be a great accompaniment or first course to your Thanksgiving spread, for instance.  Or here's a fantastic recipe for roasted Brussels Sprouts with real bacon (um, HELLO!  Who doesn't like the sound of that?! And if you don't have access to the kind of bacon he's talking about, at least go for something like Hormel's Natural Choice or Oscar Meyer Selects brands that contain no nitrates or nitrites--they're bad juju!).  Maybe instead of the canned gluten-ous sodium, I mean, soup version of the usual green bean casserole, you use the freshest beans you can find and experiment with some real diced onions (or shallots) and mushrooms.  A bit of Greek yogurt flavored with thyme, a little garlic powder (or preferably the real thing), salt and pepper and a bit of The Wizard's vegan/wheat-free Worcestershire sauce might not taste exactly how you remember, but it's gluten free and it's much cleaner, and absolutely delicious.  Chopped pecans or walnuts or slivered almonds can lend a satisfying crunch instead of the usual fried onions.  Or if they're an absolute must, slice some onions very thinly, dip them in a little thin #GF pancake batter, and shallow pan fry them to sprinkle sparingly over the dish.  Sure, it's a little more work than opening a can.  But it'll be a much more satisfying holiday when you can enjoy your tryptophan-induced coma on the sofa with everyone else instead of on the bathroom floor, in massive abdominal pain from a gluten reaction.

So, the day or night before the feast, make a double batch of this wonderful, almost cake-like cornbread, let it sit out overnight and use it to make your family's traditional cornbread stuffing, whatever that may be (be mindful of the other components, and ensure ahead of time that things like sausage, broth, and seasonings are all gluten-free--you might need to do a brand switch, so read labels, contact manufacturers, don't just grab, and don't assume the brands you've used in the past are safe).  

I wish I could give you my husband's recipe, but I'm usually up late baking the cornbread and the dessert, and he's up early with the bird, the stuffing, and the potatoes.  When the daughters are around, just like those damn crescenty rolls taunting from the other end of the table, there's a very small dish of old-fashioned syrup and marshmallow covered sweet potatoes (which I have never enjoyed, even as a kid).  Otherwise, we either mash or beautifully roast those, too.  

TONS of options on my Pinterest board, check it out.

I first came across a gluten free cornbread recipe we liked on CanadaBBHosts.com, from Jan and Bob Wheeler of the Chimney Corner Bed & Breakfast and Cottages in Nova Scotia.  Someplace I'd like to visit someday!  If I get the chance, I think I'll stay there, knowing they're celiac-friendly, and thus would easily be able to meet my non-celiac gluten sensitive needs.  ENJOY!  And please know how very thankful I am for all of you who have followed and supported my blog throughout this past year.  I believe that everyone should have enough, and that anything is possible, including a gal like me influencing people's lives and helping to make them better.  It's all I've ever wanted to do, and you help make that Possible!  

Without further ado, here's the wonderful #GF cornbread recipe I've adapted over the years to serve our needs and tastes.   Bless you and yours, and happy holidays!  

1 cup unsweetened original almond milk

1 egg (works great with flax substitute for vegan)

1/4 cup oil

1/4 teaspoon org apple cider vinegar

1/3 cup arrowroot starch 

1/2 cup tapioca starch

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1 Tablespoon gf baking powder

1 cup organic yellow corn flour

1/2 cup or less organic sugar

1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum

2 T milled FLAX seed (1 if you use flax sub for egg)

(In an effort to reduce the sugar, I've made this in the past with 3/4 cup almond milk and substituted 1/4 cup of the sugar with a scant 1/4 cup agave nectar [agave is sweeter than sugar, and has become a controversial ingredient--I don't think I would want the flavor of maple syrup, which could also be used, so if you're not opposed to agave, choose raw organic--you could also leave the milk alone, and substitute the granulated sugar for xylitol].  Particularly for a savory purpose like stuffing, just using a bit less sugar works fine, too.)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.  In a large measuring cup, combine milk, egg, oil, and vinegar.  Mix well.  Add all dry ingredients to a medium bowl and whisk together.  Pour the wet mixture over the dry and mix thoroughly.  I use a fork, making sure to scrape down the sides and get all the dry incorporated off the bottom.  Coat or spray a cast-iron skillet with oil.  Cornbread is always best in a cast-iron skillet, and GF is no different, but of course an 8x8 cake pan or muffin tin works, too.  Muffin papers haven't worked so well for this recipe (sticks), so I would just spray or coat the tin.  


Bake for 25 - 30 minutes (may take a bit less time for cast-iron).  The top will be lightly browned and a toothpick inserted in the center will come out clean.  Serves 8-9.  Double this recipe if you want stuffing leftovers!  We've done the stuffing in a muffin tin, too, which was delicious, with crispy edges for all, and they froze well!


[The cornbread pictured was made with the flax vegan substitute.  Without the yolk for color, and because I was using organic corn flour, which isn't as brilliant yellow as either "Over the Counter" or corn meal, it looked a little pasty.  I added just a bit of natural yellow food coloring to make it more appealing to my family.  And boy, was it!!  ENJOY!]

Watch my intro video on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10202880011268041&l=2728274465460820699
You can watch the video even if you don't have Facebook!

So Start the Holiday Partying Early This Year!  You might not be thrilled to adjust your party preparations to meet everyone's needs, but it really isn't as difficult as it may seem. I can't tell you how grateful I am, first of all for an invitation, and second when I show up to a party and find choices I can enjoy beyond the wilted veggie tray.  And there are so many festive, delicious, and beautiful options if you think just a little outside the holiday baking box. (You can check out my Pinterest board for some great ideas.)

There WILL Be Cupcakes!  Clearly I'm a girl who loves a cupcake, too, but I truly am happiest when I can fill up on satisfying and delicious yet healthy alternatives before I turn to the dessert table. 

And Not to Disappoint, There Will Be Shopping! The Box Factory's incredible local artisan gift shop will be staffed for this fun and festive evening, so you'll be able to shop and support local artists to your heart's content, too.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love a good party, and I really love hosting one. I'm a former restaurateur and avid gluten-free foodie, and I can thow down with the best of 'em. I'm determined to be saved from myself this year, however, and I hope you'll keep me company doing so. I was recently asked to develop a cooking demonstration for the Home and Garden Show this spring, which is what prompted me to whip this up now, although it's been a lifelong dream. I used to pretend to be Julia Childs when cooking for my daughter when it was just the two of us. I won't likely be doing that this evening, though. Well, given enough wine, maybe.  Just kidding!  I'm planning to videotape the event (you'll be asked to sign a release when you arrive), and I promise to be on my best behavior!!  So pretty please, help fill my audience, enjoy delicious food, wine, and a fun and festive holiday evening out with your girlfriends!  
Oh, did I mention?  There WILL BE GIVEAWAYS!!!  Don't miss it!!

Please be sure to sign up for my mailing list----->>>>>
I'd like to keep you informed of future events.  And please Tweet and Facebook your friends to tell them you're coming and invite them to join you.  There's a discount for two!  (Scroll down to purchase tickets--not fruits & vegetables, please.  I hope to get that fixed.)  :/